It happened again recently that I was asked, during a self-evaluation process at work, what my main strength is. I tried hard to find a one-word answer, but eventually settled for what I really felt the honest answer was: "I don't take no for an answer." This phrase might have a negative connotation for some, but what it represents to me is the fact that unless there's an obvious reason why something shouldn't happen, I'll always try to find ways to achieve things I care about. In my career as well as in my personal life, sometimes these processes were quick, and sometimes they took up to a year. My second promotion at the company I used to work for prior to Google took a year to materialize, and that was from the time I had decided I wanted to go for it.
Not taking no for an answer is a skill that develops through time. For me, it started with my parents, as it was one of the mantras my mom used to repeat to me over and over. The goal was to stimulate my curiosity. When I was a kid going to elementary school, she'd always urge me to ask people why they were telling me to do things, instead of just taking what they'd say for granted and executing upon it in a "brainless" fashion. Asking the reason behind things would sometimes slow down my decision-making process, but it also ensured that once I'd do something, I'd go all-in, fully invested, fully present and conscious.
This mindset worked for me throughout my career. One of the examples I hold dearly is the time I wrote to the CEO of a company to ask whether they'd have any internships available. Why did I do it? Because my university was offering unpaid internships (which were also compulsory in order to graduate from our Master's degree), and I thought it was outrageous that I couldn't find a single place that would pay me at least a little bit for my contribution to their business. It took Tom over a month to answer, but he did. And that internship at Metail reshaped my career path, pointing it toward Data and AI.
The concepts of "waiting" and "not taking no for an answer" don't always go hand-in-hand. People who are keen to get what they feel strongly about often come across as wanting everything immediately. The reality of it is that there are few "carpe diem" situations and many more "long games." There will be times when the train is passing, and the only option for you to get on is to jump on it. More often though, not taking no for an answer is a longer-term strategy, where you reiterate what you want and make a case for it day in and day out. The real opportunity lies at the intersection of "planning," "executing passionately," and "seizing the moment." I don't think you can be as successful if you lack one of these three characteristics.
I recently had a conversation with a person very close to me, and I realized that his approach to these situations, which is absolutely not to "go for it" the way that I do, comes from the experiences he had growing up; again, examples from his parents and grandparents. Seeing how those acquired behaviors have prevented him from reaching his full potential, I realized how strongly I feel about helping younger generations adopt more of this mindset. After all, if you ask politely, you're not hurting anyone.
I wanted to jot down these ideas in the hope that someone who hasn't fully formed their approach to life or someone who wishes to take a bit more risk when they're going after something they care about can find some inspiration in my words and experiences.
Even today, during a career development session we had at work, the concept of "if you're not asking for it, you won't get it" was reiterated by a number of coaches and executives. And that's only half of the equation: part 1 is "asking for it," but part 2 is to break apart the reasons why the answer might be "no," and tackle those one by one.
Let me be clear, I'm not suggesting to endlessly chase a goal, even when all the signals are telling you you'd be better off doing something else. The art of quitting or pivoting is relevant and useful as well. What I'm really pushing you to think about is that if you feel strongly about something, you've made a plan for it, and have data to support your case, then you shouldn't give up just because someone told you "no."
I hope this brief note was useful for you. If you have other topics in mind that you'd like to have my point of view on, please drop me a note.
Lucrezia
